About a week ago I was feeling
a bit homesick for the first time. Everything suddenly felt a bit hard and
there were so many unknowns. I didn't actually want to go home; I think I was
just starting to think how easy it would feel to be sitting in my room at home
with my cat. I just needed a moment to breathe. Generally when I feel nervous
it is indicative that something is going to happen or that some sort of change
is coming. It's fine to be a little bit nervous about the unknown. The unknown
is something for which you can't prepare yourself.
At this time I started drawing
a few little pencil drawings of observed places and places from memory. I drew
my room at home leaving my book case empty; I wasn't there to see the books. I
then remembered how that book case looked in my previous house. It is a book
case which has been with me since childhood. I've been thinking lately of how I
might shake off some of my possessions that I carry around. I've been
fantasizing a little about moving away with just a few items of clothing and a
little backpack of personal items. I feel like a bit of a runaway at times;
it's like I've had a taste of freedom and I just want more. As I'm usually such
a hoarder I think travelling is good for me in that I just live and move around
with a limited number of things, picking
up any extra things I need along the way or just going without.
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